Husbands Love Your Wives Who Submit To Their Husbands...

This topic has been getting played again and again in my head the past few days, so now I am going to write about it. What is the relationship between husbands and wives? The simple answer is that husbands are the head of the household, and wives are to submit to their husbands. This is the biblical (drastically oversimplified on purpose) answer to that question. This doesn't sit well in our society many times, and I'm starting to understand a few of the reasons why. One is that it doesn't sit well because both men and women have historically misunderstood what each role entails. Men have become unjustly domineering and controlling, and women have become unjustifiably militant and contemptuous. Another is that both men and women don't understand just what the gospel entails and what the role and purpose of Christ and the church are. To establish the biblical definition of the roles of a husband and a wife, I will go directly to scripture to leave no doubt of my simple definition listed before.

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband. -Eph. 5.22-33

Now that a scriptural basis has been clearly established, I will not bother defending my original position to people who are still going to bicker about matters of submission and leadership. If you call yourself a Christian, read the words from the Word of God, breathed from his own Being, and argue with Paul, or take your argument to God. I will not bother defending something so clear. My intent is to understand it and keep it from perversion, but it says what it says, and the text is clear.

One big misconception is that the roles of leadership and submission are so intertwined with value and importance in our understanding. This is not the intent of scripture, and it is not true of the roles in their relation to husbands and wives. Both male and female are created in the image of God (Gen 1.27). God showed favoritism to neither Adam nor Eve, and as Paul said to the Galatians, there is no male or female because we are all one in Christ (Gal. 3.28)! We are entitled to the same reward and heirs to the same promise (Gal. 3.29, 1 Pet. 3.7). Once we can understand that men and women have equal value, both having the same importance to God, we can begin to understand that the roles are not a matter of superiority, but are necessary to keep a logical order and function in the confines of marriage.

The necessity for a marriage's function can be easily demonstrated. If, for instance, parents had equal leadership and both of them told a child to do two opposite things, then who's to say which the child must do? Which parent is the child to obey? And since obedience to one parent means disobedience to the other, the parents whose instruction was violated could punish the child for obeying the other parent! That would not be helpful to the parent/child or the spousal relationship and could be the cause of spite and a bitterness from either parent or the child. Any time you have two leaders with equal authority, order is undermined and a power struggle ensues at the onset of any differing view. Eventually one will rise to leadership and the other will be forced into being a subordinate (often times bitterly), or the entire function completely quits and both people go their own way.

Something else to consider about leadership is that leadership is necessary for proper function, but that it does not come without its struggles. Leaders of Christian households have a God given duty to lead their families first in a Godly, God-seeking direction and secondly to put the good of the family above the good of themselves. Such a role could lead to major sacrifice and self denial if it is needed for the welfare or the family as a whole. In addition to the duty to make proper decisions for the family, the responsibility of failure falls on the shoulders of the leader as well. Being a leader, when you make mistakes, you are responsible to do all you can to repair any damage done, and fix any error. Being a leader also does not mean that you make all your own decisions and neglect the voices of your subordinates. A good leader, a Godly leader, will listen to the people he leads, consider their opinions, and then make a decision in light of all view points, and all known facts. So being a leader is not a carefree position of power, at least not if it's executed in a Godly fashion. Being a leader comes with severe responsibility and can be very stressful at times. In some aspects, it's a blessing not to have to lead.

One of the large problems that has led to radical feminism, and the mishandling of families is that husbands have taken their roles as leaders and become tyrants. This is a terrible tragedy, and though it doesn't justify swinging to the opposite end of the spectrum to "correct" it, husbands need to be clearly defined and understand what a leader is. Husbands are to give up their lives for their wives! They're not to lord their authority over them, this is perverse and denies the long suffering and tenderness that Christ has with the church! As Christ nourishes and cherishes the church, husbands have a responsibility to nourish and cherish their wives. It is not a burdensome duty, but is done out of love because "he who loves his wife loves himself". You do not lord dominion over yourself, and husbands should not lord it over their wives. Paul says in Colossians that husbands should "love your wives, and...not be harsh with them" (Col. 3.19). Wives should not be treated as property, as slaves, or as any type of inferior. Husbands are to acknowledge that their wives are weaker (physically), but this should not lead them to superiority but rather they should "honor (them) as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered" (1 Pet. 3.7). Not showing understanding and honor to your wives actually leads, not only to an unhappy marriage, but also to an incomplete communion with God! In order to effectively lead, you must seek after God for guidance and help, and if you're not loving your wife properly then you're relationship with God is hindered, and you can't effectively lead your family. Husbands have a very high standard to live up to, set by Christ himself! Christ shows grace and mercy to His bride every time that we (the bride) trespass against him and, as adulterers, go seek pleasure in other things besides Him. Christ's love, His unconditional love, covers over a multitude of sins and He woos us back to faithfulness again and again as we continually commit adultery against Him! This is the standard set for husbands. Forgiveness, long suffering, and faithfulness all for the purpose of wooing a wavering bride back into the covenant keeping bonds of marriage! These are hardly the actions of a tyrant, but are more appropriate of nothing less than the loving God-King, namely Jesus Christ!

Wives on the other hand have a separate but complementary role. Though they are the subordinate to the husbands in role, they are intended to come alongside the husband and help him. Submission has a significant ability to bring a wavering husband who does not follow the Word back to Godliness since "they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives--when they see your respectful and pure conduct" (1 Pet. 3.1-2). That shows a profound power found in submission. What glory can be attributed to Christ when a woman is found to be of pure and respectful conduct, where there is no bitterness and no resentment for her husband, nothing but pure love! With the same love that a husband looks over the flaws of his wife (because of Christ), so a wife should have a love that looks over the flaws of her husband! Such a wife is a blessing to her husband, and as the Proverb says, "she is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain" (Prov. 31.10-11). A Godly wife will help keep her husband firm and God-centered in his ministry as a leader! This is all a part of why God made Eve, of equal value, but as a helper to Adam. Both of them must be properly functioning and supporting each other if the union of marriage is going to benefit either of them. The majority of Proverbs 31 deals with the excellency of a good wife, but the last section I want to focus on.

Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all." Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates. -Prov. 31.25-21

This passage speaks very highly of women, hardly the inferior servant that woman have at times been made out to be. A wife's servant hood are clothed by "strength and dignity", and she is described as wise and fearless (or laughing at the future)! A Godly wife is a blessing and a joy to her children and to her husband! Her actions speak of her value, and her beauty is "the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious" (1 Pet. 3.4). This is hardly someone who is weak willed, but is more appropriately someone who does not seek to usurp the leadership of her husband, and respects and honors him in his authority over the family. This type of behavior is the behavior of one who "fears the LORD" and submits to her husband as the church submits to Christ. Fear of the Lord is more lovely than charm and physical beauty, because a wife who fears the Lord is found to be a wise woman, for "fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom" (Ps. 111.10). What Godly wives lack in physical strength and leadership, they make up for with strength of character and wisdom, both of which are invaluable assets to help assist the leader.

Marriage is a mysterious and valuable union. To understand and fulfill a marriage, we must know, understand, and live out the gospel! The gospel is one of grace, mercy, love, and patience. Christ, the husband in the spiritual union, laid down his life (as we committed adultery and mocked him) in place of us, because of our transgressions! To even begin to fathom that love, that a husband would pay the penalty for his wife's adultery, and be completely glad to do it! That is the gospel, we have a husband who purchased us from damnation for our (MANY) acts of adultery, and He had no regrets because it pleased His father. We as the church strive and yearn and fight to obey Him because we love Him and it is our desire to be faithful and live in service of Him! We don't want to usurp his role, because we know that He will always lead us in paths of righteousness and will never leave us or forsake us, and so we are glad to serve Him! Oh, that both husbands and wives will show grace, mercy, love, and patience towards each other, that husbands would learn what it means to lead, and that wives would see the immeasurable beauty of femininity. Neither husbands nor wives will be found perfect, but we should strive to be. Husbands, love your wives and Christ loves church: completely sacrificial and substitutionary, not domineering and persecuting. Wives, submit to your husbands as the church submits to Christ: out of love and gratitude, not spite and envy!